My story
05:26It's not always easy being the youngest in the family. Many people always feel that the youngest is the most pampered, the most loved in the family.
News flash, that does not always happen.
I know what you are thinking. You have a place to live, you have food and clothes, you have most of the things that less fortunate people don't. Why are you complaining? What rights do you have to complain?
Material wise, yes i admit, i have nothing to complain. But no one understands the pain being in this family. Yes i am fortunate to not have a broken family. I have a father, a mother, and two older sisters.
Since young, i always wonder the story of how i was born. My mother would always tell me that i was unplanned which is true since i have an age gap of 6 years with my second sister and 8 years with my first sister. I was always told that i'm suppose to be aborted. That they don't have the money to raise me and they did not want me. My mother only wanted to have me if i was a guy. Surprise surprise, i am not a guy.
I am always told that if i weren't here, the family would be rich. If i weren't here, they would have an easier life. Since young, i always feel like a burden to my family. I feel unwanted. I am a very emotional child. Hearing all these hurt a lot and even them joking about me being an "Extra" made me cry. I felt worse when they told me that my uncles and aunts begged my mum to keep me. Even my grandpa who has 2 wives said that he will support me by providing milk powder and baby essentials. It hurts, especially when your mother don't even want to have you.
The doctor had to lie to my mum and tell her that i am a guy. My family got the doctor to lie to my mum so that i won't get aborted. If it has to come to this step i feel that my existence is pretty pathetic.
As i grew older, my parents would fight a lot. It was really bad. It would get so bad till my parents start to use the word "Divorce" frequently. I thought about who i am suppose to follow if my parents really split. This is what i am worried about when i am just a child.
I never did well in school. Well, i never did as well as my sisters. We all went to Mayflower Primary. Both of my sisters scored well in their PSLE with scores like 250 and 259. Both of them got in Anderson Secondary School. My eldest sister got into Anderson Junior College and my second sister got in National Junior College. As for me, i never got scores like 250 and 259. I scored 227 for my PSLE and was crushed. I wanted to be like my sisters and go to Anderson Secondary School but i couldn't. I went to Ang Mo Kio Secondary School. I got into Volleyball and love it with all my heart.
My parents are never supportive of me being in Volleyball. I represented the school team since secondary 1. I guess my coach saw some potential in me, at least someone believed in me. I would do anything in my power and save the ball, resulting in many injuries during my 4 years of secondary school. I had to spend a lot of money buying volleyball shoes as well. I had to stayback till quite late in school and my parents were unhappy with that. They often blame volleyball when it comes to my results.
When i graduated, i had no intentions to go to a junior college like my sisters. I wasn't like them and i kept telling myself that it is okay. Of course it was not. My mother loved to compare my results with my sister. I turn out to be the "Dumb" child of the family. I got into Temasek Polytechnic and my parents automatically assumed that i have it 10 times easier than my sisters who went to Junior Colleges. I never got to do what i love which is art. I got into Business because my mother said "You can't get a career being in Design."
On a day to day basis, i pretty much get blamed for almost everything. In the house, outside the house, whatever mistakes that i did not make. I am the first to get blamed for everything and i can't fight back because they will say i am being a rude angsty kid. They will say that i am the youngest in the family and i don't earn money for the family so why can't i just handle a few scoldings? Overtime, i felt like i was going crazy. I felt depressed. I felt like i have no worth, i am useless. There is no point of me existing in this world.
Many people that met me always know me as the happy and positive girl but in actual fact i am not. It is hard being in a family like this. Especially when they believe that they treat me very well.
I am always told that if i weren't here, the family would be rich. If i weren't here, they would have an easier life. Since young, i always feel like a burden to my family. I feel unwanted. I am a very emotional child. Hearing all these hurt a lot and even them joking about me being an "Extra" made me cry. I felt worse when they told me that my uncles and aunts begged my mum to keep me. Even my grandpa who has 2 wives said that he will support me by providing milk powder and baby essentials. It hurts, especially when your mother don't even want to have you.
The doctor had to lie to my mum and tell her that i am a guy. My family got the doctor to lie to my mum so that i won't get aborted. If it has to come to this step i feel that my existence is pretty pathetic.
As i grew older, my parents would fight a lot. It was really bad. It would get so bad till my parents start to use the word "Divorce" frequently. I thought about who i am suppose to follow if my parents really split. This is what i am worried about when i am just a child.
I never did well in school. Well, i never did as well as my sisters. We all went to Mayflower Primary. Both of my sisters scored well in their PSLE with scores like 250 and 259. Both of them got in Anderson Secondary School. My eldest sister got into Anderson Junior College and my second sister got in National Junior College. As for me, i never got scores like 250 and 259. I scored 227 for my PSLE and was crushed. I wanted to be like my sisters and go to Anderson Secondary School but i couldn't. I went to Ang Mo Kio Secondary School. I got into Volleyball and love it with all my heart.
My parents are never supportive of me being in Volleyball. I represented the school team since secondary 1. I guess my coach saw some potential in me, at least someone believed in me. I would do anything in my power and save the ball, resulting in many injuries during my 4 years of secondary school. I had to spend a lot of money buying volleyball shoes as well. I had to stayback till quite late in school and my parents were unhappy with that. They often blame volleyball when it comes to my results.
When i graduated, i had no intentions to go to a junior college like my sisters. I wasn't like them and i kept telling myself that it is okay. Of course it was not. My mother loved to compare my results with my sister. I turn out to be the "Dumb" child of the family. I got into Temasek Polytechnic and my parents automatically assumed that i have it 10 times easier than my sisters who went to Junior Colleges. I never got to do what i love which is art. I got into Business because my mother said "You can't get a career being in Design."
On a day to day basis, i pretty much get blamed for almost everything. In the house, outside the house, whatever mistakes that i did not make. I am the first to get blamed for everything and i can't fight back because they will say i am being a rude angsty kid. They will say that i am the youngest in the family and i don't earn money for the family so why can't i just handle a few scoldings? Overtime, i felt like i was going crazy. I felt depressed. I felt like i have no worth, i am useless. There is no point of me existing in this world.
Many people that met me always know me as the happy and positive girl but in actual fact i am not. It is hard being in a family like this. Especially when they believe that they treat me very well.
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