2016 is probably the year i feel like i am messed up. I'm trying to open up to people more, trying to deal with my emotions better and trying to express myself better in general. Of course throughout this year, i have made some new awesome friends and also keep in touch with a few of the greatest people i know. 

This year has been an emotional roller-coaster for me. I feel that everyone would come to a point in life where they just try to find themselves, understand themselves better. And for me this is the time. I have no idea when it would end but i am glad to have good friends here for me. 

I am never a confident person. I have been told that on the outside i look very calm and collected but in actual fact on the inside i am a mess. I enjoy listening to people, talking to them and trying to help them with whatever issues they have no matter big or small. I don't like telling people things about me. I like to say i keep a lot of things to myself. 

In my opinion, i am a complicated person. There are just a lot of things people don't know about me. I am that person. Like when people ask "Oh, ________, what do you think about him/her?" and normally people would be like "He/She is an awesome friend. So nice, caring blah blah blah." but for me its like "Oh Celestine? She... She is nice i guess. I mean i don't know her that well." 

I think what is amazing about this situation is that the person describing me could be someone who comes to me only when they need help. I am that person who listens to them but once their problem is solved, they are gone. Or at least till the next time they have a problem. 

Since primary school this has been an occurring thing for me. Like ya young kids i don't think they have a lot of problems maybe but i find many people coming to me, telling me about their things. And that surprised me because sometimes i am not even close to that person. It has been going on even until now. 

I am not the type of person who makes friends with everyone. I try to talk to everyone just to get a bit of information about them, their names and stuff. For people who are close to me, they know that people i really consider as my friends are really little. I am not one of the people who makes friends with everyone, not that it is a bad thing but that is just not my style. 

Recently i had a talk with one of my poly friends and the more we talk, the more she is trying to understand me as a person. There were a lot of explaining. A lot of things were said and overall i just feel that she shouldn't try and figure me out. She should deal with her own problems because if she tries to help me, she would just be more stressed out. 

I choose people i want to hang out with. I feel better around certain people and when i don't i usually move away and distance myself. I don't trust easily about certain things and i judge a lot. However i believe that everyone has a reason for doing certain things. Judging does not always mean negative things. I can judge you and conclude that even after everything, you are still smiling so you are a strong person. 

I have no idea why i am writing this post at all. Maybe this gives people a bit more information about me and maybe helps them understand me more? I dont know but yeah that is about it. 

Month of July is here and here are some pictures. (Not gonna lie, i have been obsessed with bears lately so......)

BEARSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. :D