How have you really been? I hope everything is okay on your side. You seem to be doing fine without me. Is there someone new? I hope you are happy. 

I just miss those times where you complain to me how tired you are, or just you telling me how your day went. I miss those times where you just tell me about your problems because at least i know how you felt. 

I miss those times where both of us gave up putting a strong front and telling each other how we really felt. I miss the times when we were dating. How loving you were, how sweet and caring you were, how you wanted to show me off to the world. 

I miss those times where we both kept telling each other how much we missed each other and make plans to see each other. How we miss each other even though it has been less than 24 hours, how we make plans as soon as possible to be able to see each other again.

I miss the nights where you sneaked out and meet me at the carpark. Those nights where we just enjoyed each company, those nights where i had panic attacks and felt so much better just being in your arms, those nights where we just lie on each other and talk for 1 or 2 hours. 

I miss the dates we went on. How we always ended up at Vivo City, how you always came to find me because i had work there, how you brought me to see your friends. I was so awkward but i knew that as long as you were there, i would be fine. 

I remember the last date we had, before you went overseas. It was at Gardens By The Bay. We didn't know what to do and we didn't want to hang out at Vivo again. We ended up going to the flower dome and cloud forest because of me. It was nothing special, just flowers and flowers and more flowers everywhere. I enjoyed myself though, holding your hand and walking through the whole place. Snapchatting you occasionally because i wanted to show you off too. You were mine and i love it being that way. You would start snapping photos of me randomly, even after i found out and frowned at you. The stupidest thing was when we went to the cloud forest and it was freezing. I was practically clinging onto you for my life. I love taking photos with you and seeing you smile genuinely. I love how you sneakily kiss me when snapping the photos. Did i mention, i love the way your hand and mine intertwined? I felt safe and secure. I felt complete. 

I really thought you were the one. After all, i finally accepted your goal of marrying me and starting a family with me. I mentally prepared myself for not seeing you so often when you go for NS. I mentally prepare myself for the future. For a future with you.

But here we are, not talking like how we used to. Not knowing how you actually feel. Not knowing you anymore. 

Do you still love me though? 

Because......

I don't think anyone can just give up whatever we had. 

I was there for you for 3 to 4 years. Every problem, every single time you are upset or you encounter a problem. Every single time you felt left out from your friends, who was there? Me. You can abandon me and find your friends and i wouldn't say a word. I understand you to a certain extent. I really do. But it just seems so unfair how you are ignoring me now, saying that you are tired when i dealt with you for 3 to 4 years and i am still here. 

I know you hate talking about the past. I know its annoying i keep bringing it up. Its hard not to. But you know how i feel. I really don't know what to do because i can't get you out of my head.

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