Song of the day: Without you by Usher.
New thing i found out: I like the parts of a song where the singer sounds super vulnerable, so there is like a lot of emotions there, making me feel as though i can relate.

I realized that there is something that is getting worse about me, which is my anger. In secondary school, there was this point in time when i actually thought of killing myself but not because of anger, more of stress i guess. I was able to control my anger so far in secondary school but as i grow older, i get angrier easily. It was quite bad because it resulted in a lot of arguments between my friends and i.

Now i am currently in Poly and my temper is worse. Everyday when i go to school, at least 2 to 3 people will get on my nerve. I always have the urge to just shout at the person or reply the person in a rude way. I controlled it for a few months but i just could not hold it in anymore. When people piss me off, i would be sarcastic. It is not really a big deal because most people who know me knew that i like being sarcastic and would think that i am joking. Well, in my head it is a different story.

Just a quick warning, i feel like what i am about to say is quite.... erm shocking i guess and not in a good way so if you don't want to read this then skip it. 

 Now it is worse. And by worse i mean really really bad. There would be times where i think "Oh my god you are seriously annoying me i feel like slapping you." I would control myself and stop myself from doing what i think. Sometimes my hand would flinch because i want to do it but at the last minute i stop myself from doing something stupid. When i am very pissed off, it would be either me shouting at the person or my scolding the person through personal message in caps. I would be like "Omg i hope he dies." or like "i hope he dies and go to hell." or things like "I would say he is an ass but that would be an insult to asses." Normally people can tell that i am pissed off and would ask me to calm down which is the wrong move. I won't do anything but i will be more annoyed and just keep quiet, trying to calm myself down before i do anything stupid.

THIS PART CAN SKIP IF YOU WANT.

The worst of the worst is when i am angry to the point i actually have a vivid description of how i want to kill the person. I would never do such a thing but when someone pisses me off really badly, my brain is like "If i could, i would stab you right there, in your heart and stab it repeatedly." or like "I am going to just put my fingers around your neck, slowly strangling you in the process and bash your head into the wall." things like that. But never in my entire life would i do such things because it is cruel. However if the person pisses me off i would want him to die badly.

So far the worst one was everyone pissing me off, resulting in me wanting to kill myself. I would think of a lot of vulgarities, say it out or tweet it. Then it goes to "Omg i want to kill myself so badly. OMFG STOP SHUT UP FUCK SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP. YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. I JUST WANT TO JUMP OF THE BUILDING/ STAB MYSELF/ GET BANGED DOWN BY A CAR/ BASHING MYSELF AGAINST THE WALL TILL I DIE." The list goes on and on. I sound like a problematic teenager but i really feel like i need anger management soon.

This is probably the stupidest post i have ever done but oh well.